OH GROSSS by Justin

So last night at work, I was doing my routine cleaning. When all of a sudden this rotund ball of disgusting, freckly, ginger comes to order food! It took everything I had not to barf the vomit that rose into my mouth, all over the counter in front of me! I did in fact, go and get Jenn to check "it" out! To which she did and almost immediatly returned with a huge smile that quickly turned into almost uncontrollable laughter!

This is not, by any means, and isolated incident. I like most of you, have known many red haired, freckled, and pale skinned "things". In elementary they shared our playgrounds, and creeped the hell out of us! When I was in junior high, I knew one that not only was a gross ginger, happened to be a wigger fag to boot! At one point he even had corn-rows! White people should NEVER have corn-rows! Especially ones with sick, orangey-red hair!!!!

What is it about gingers that make us feel ill with in moments of seeing them? Well I think I'll break it all down into the 3 main characteristics!

Red Hair:
Obviously this is the tell tale sign of these disgusting creatures. But I know for a fact that red hair isn't all that bad! Take Isla Fischer for instance. This little hottie was uber hot as a sex freak in "Wedding Crashers". Or Lindsay Lohan circa "Mean Girls"!!! Those beauties don't technically count as gingers. At least in my book. While they have red hair, it's not that sickly, gross orange-red that trademark a Ginger.

Freckles:
Freckles are pretty gross. I can't think of any time I liked them. I used to get them in the summer time as a child, on my cheeks. But come fall they'd vanish. A few summers ago I went through quite possibly the worst sun burns in the history of EVER, which lead to my shoulders and upper back to be covered in them to this day. But at least in my case they were a reaction. Ginger's happen to be cursed since birth to bear these demon spots!

Pale Skin:
Many legends that deal with monsters, such as the undead talk about figures with pale skin. Vampires, fresh zombies, hell even death himself all have an inability to get a tan! "South Park"'s Eric Cartman, gave a presentation that somewhat proved that Ginger's were in fact "not unlike vampires"! Lets just say, it's a pretty thorough presentation. Pale skin isn't always bad either though. Remember Snow White? She was the fairest in all the land! Also "Stoya". Anyone who's watched one of her films, would know EXACTLY what I'm talking about!

In conclusion, I figure, it's not simply having one symptom of "Gingervitis" but in fact having all 3 combined that make up these hideous creatures! So the next time your on the bus, or at the mall and you come across one of these sickly, gross, things. Remember, while your struggling to keep your bile in your stumach... don't turn your back on it, because when it comes to your soul, it won't hesitate to suck it out of your body!

Thank you!

-Justin

Check out this piece of "Art" :




Also, I couldn't find the original South Park clip with Cartman's presentation, but this is close enough !